And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
