How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
