Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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