I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
