remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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