he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
