you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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