i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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