You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
