afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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