I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
