I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
