I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
