so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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