Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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