You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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