If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
