and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
