There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
