you win again, gameday.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
