So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
