omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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