"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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