so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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