forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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