There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
