This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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