I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
