Ketchup is God's man juice
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize