The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
