So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
