So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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