It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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