Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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