naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
