why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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