i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
