I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
