he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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