You just made me feel so damn special
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
