3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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