is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
