I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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