I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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