Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
