my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
