Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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