I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
