Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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