Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
