yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
