it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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