I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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