do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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