he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
