A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
