Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize