i think my tv is drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize