Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
