I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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