meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
