New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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