Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
