Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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