I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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