There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
