She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
