you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize