there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
