how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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